I couldn’t have been happier when I got a job in my field after only three years’ study. Back then I could never have imagined that I would burn out – and have to give up my new job.
Encouraged by YKA’s career wellbeing coaching, I dared to make the decision to give notice and return to my studies full time. These challenges helped me find the spark for my field and studies again, and I regained my confidence in my professional skills.
Returning to life as a student felt challenging despite all my preparations, and I experienced severe impostor syndrome, which led to me putting a lot of pressure on myself regarding grades and written assignments. I was a student returning from the world of work, after all – shouldn’t it be a piece of cake to write essays at that point?
I felt like a complete fraud unless I was able to get a perfect row of top marks in my upcoming master’s degree studies. It felt like I was drowning under the pressure, but I wasn’t able to seek or accept help.
I felt a strong need to cope on my own, because I was ashamed of being burnt out. I also worried a lot about the future: would anyone hire me again? What if I end up burnt out again?
It has also been challenging to accept that burnout recovery has been anything but linear. Setbacks, like the “we went with someone else” emails when applying for summer jobs, felt paralysing. Because of the difficult job market situation, students and recent graduates have been competing for the same small number of jobs and internships.
Cuts to student income have also added to the strain. Luckily, I have received help from both the student services at my university and different kinds of workshops offered by YKA. As an example, I took part in a webinar titled “Self-compassion as the cornerstone of wellbeing and coping”, where I learned tools to stop reproachful self-talk.
I have started to regain my faith in the working life of the future through rest and successes.
I was ecstatic last May when a recruitment process I had started in December was finally rewarded with a summer job in my field. I have also got to work as part of a wonderful team at YKA for 18 months. I am extremely grateful for both of these work communities where it feels safe to talk about my insecurities and get support with them.
My faith in my abilities has slowly returned, even though it feels arrogant to practice praising myself. We all have our strengths, and it is worth learning to identify them. Sometimes we just need someone to remind us of them when we are unable to see them ourselves.
Saara Pajunen, YKA Ambassador in Joensuu and 7th-year environmental policy student, University of Eastern Finland
